If you can read that, it says 96.4kg.

Yep.

:/

Posted at 2:51 pm | No Comments »

To start putting more pictures in these posts. That’d be nice. Maybe take pictures of my weigh ins and my running goals…I’m not sure. But I’d like to. I think with my new phone that it will be easier…I just have to upgrade the backend first.

–

Current Stats
Current Weight: 92.8
Loss/Gain This Week: -0.6
Total Loss: God knows.

Posted at 4:59 pm | No Comments »

I’m pretty sure that I can honestly say, I never thought I would be in a position where I would be starting back from scratch again, but this is what I’m doing. I’m not apologise for slipping, I’m just glad that I’ve decided to come back. My meals for tomorrow are planned. I probably won’t get any exercise done because of the giant assessment I’ve got due on Tuesday, but I’m content with what I’m doing for now. And for today, I’m 10 ProPoints under budget!

Posted at 6:56 pm | No Comments »

Long time no post, I know! Between work and uni, life has been crazy. I’ve been ignoring a number of my responsibilities already just to socialise, which is kind of silly since it just means increased pressure in the end.

So in the interest of new starts, accountability, etc. etc., here’s some confessions:

• I haven’t done any sort of exercise in about two months.
• I have stopped cooking dinner each night.
• I have turned into a lazy slob.

Posted at 11:36 pm | No Comments »

I’ve been struggling. Things have been happening in my life that I can’t control, things around my family and my friends and my (lack-of) love life. I know that I can’t control these things but I am struggling to deal with the feeling of being completely unsupported and — as a result — both alone and lonely. I feel as if it is always me who picks up the slack in every situation, and I wonder how far I can stretch myself before I break. The question becomes more and more relevant because it feels like I’m reaching that point.

So I guess the question is how do you combat this? How do you fight the feelings and thoughts that are telling that the reason no one is there is because you don’t deserve anyone, that if only you were smarter and prettier and funnier and, yes, skinnier then maybe you’d have the support you needed. Maybe people would pick you instead of someone else. Maybe relatives would realise that if they screw up their lives it doesn’t just affect them — particularly when you’re the one who has to bail them out.

But here’s the problem: I’m not smarter or prettier or funnier or skinnier. And the fact is that I don’t have anyone here. There is no one who would just drop everything for me. And as much as I might wish that it were the case, maybe this is a lesson I have to learn: No one will do it for me.

So, yes, I’ve been struggling. And I anticipate that will continue, simply because what I’m fighting here is my mind and my emotions. If it were just circumstances, I think I would be fine. But this? I’ve been weaving in and out of this ‘mood’ the whole of this year, been feeling like I’m not going anywhere and who would care if I did anyway.

I know that weight-loss can and will pull me out of it. I know the benefits for self-esteem and balance that exercise brings. I just….I can’t seem to find my groove. I lose weight and then gain it back. I dilly. Followed generally by my dallying.

I guess what I have to remember is that there’s a lot of things I can’t control. I can’t stop my relatives from making bad decisions. I can’t stop my relatives from hurting each other, and all I can do is be there if it all comes crashing down. I can’t make a boy pick me over another girl, and I have to accept that it will feel shit for awhile because it’s a type of confirmation that I’m worthless — even if I think the boy’s a bit of a dick for the way he acted anyway.

What I can control, though, is exercise. I can control the fact that I feel amazing when I achieve something new in a run. I feel amazing when I lift a new weight. I feel amazing when I realise that I don’t just have to be beautiful, that my body has functions and uses and it isn’t just the outside that matters.

That is what I have to concentrate on, for as long as it takes me to get out of my funk. It will get better. It will get better.

Posted at 9:00 pm | No Comments »

I’ve just started a new job. Contrary to my past jobs, it’s in an office and it’s very structured, particularly in terms of the days. Lunch is always around 12:30 - 1pm, and then I’m home for dinner. What it means is that there’s just no snacking the rest of the time, which I think may account for my (somewhat unexpected) 700gram loss! Pretty proud, really. Let’s get this rolling.

Next job: figure out what to eat for the next few days. Hmm….

Posted at 2:52 pm | No Comments »

Weigh in again today. I wasn’t expecting much, for several reasons. In fact, I kind of expected a gain. But I got lucky! Am going to work hard this week to make sure I stay lucky, whee.

“The harder I work, the luckier I seem to become”. J.P. Morgan

Current Stats
Current Weight: 88.5
Loss/Gain This Week: -0.3
Total Loss: 11.8

Posted at 12:32 pm | No Comments »

I had a weigh in today, and I am officially down 1.4kg from my last WI. For me, this is just confirming what I’d already guessed: I do best on my own. The WW meetings are simply not for me, and, if anything they tend to discourage me.

But that’s okay! Because I seem to have figured that out, now, and I’m back on the right track.

Current Stats
Current Weight: 88.8
Loss/Gain This Week: -1.4
Total Loss: 11.5

Posted at 11:29 am | 1 Comment »

I’m a night snacker. I can’t even claim to be reformed, since I’m still sitting here trying to distract myself so that I don’t get up and pilfer the cupboards. It’s easier that there isn’t really anything in the cupboards to eat. Maybe I’m learning! I hope I get to the point where I don’t have this nightly mental battle. For one thing, it’s really distracting to constantly have to argue with myself.

But I’m over my points today by 1 point already, so that’s that. There will be no more food tonight.

Posted at 9:40 pm | No Comments »

To distract myself, I’ve been listening to Shauna and Carla’s podcast, Two Fit Chicks. I’m currently up to the third podcast which is about goals. How convenient, I say, because I need to distract myself from the desire to snack and just today I wrote out my goals and rewards for them.

I’ve learnt, over the past 2 and a half years of weight-loss, that I suck at goals. If I give myself a goal or a deadline, I will not make it. Ever. It just doesn’t work! Particularly time-orientated ones, they are horrendous and guaranteed to derail me until at least a week after the time I wanted to achieve the goal.

I’ve also learnt that it takes me forever to lose weight, simply because there is only so much that I’m willing to give up. I flat with my two best friends; we often invite people over for drinks; a vast number of our friends are college kids; my lifestyle is not particularly conducive to weight loss. That doesn’t mean it can’t be done, just that I have to be able to concentrate on it, and there are times (our tradition of celebratory chinese, for example) where I choose not to be so strict…particularly since this is a plan for life.

So I’ve only made three goals. These three goals are very small. These three goals have very large rewards attached to them, and these three goals have no time limits. Because for me, there’s no pressure, I don’t have to focus on the ‘big picture’ — I focus on the little picture and the big picture will take care of itself.

So here they are!:

• 85kg - Get a haircut.
• 82.5kg - Manicure.
• 80kg - Massage.

Posted at 12:05 pm | No Comments »