Things I will keep in my fridge when I am back at college:

• Diet Vanilla Yoghurt
• Diet Coke
• Tomato and Pumpkin Soups
• Some Low-Fat Milk
• Drink Bottles of Water
• Carrot Sticks (for Snacks)
• Red Apples

This is so that I can manage what I eat while at college, can make sure that I get my 5 vegetable serves each day, and can get to my 20kilo goal by Christmas. Because only I can control this, so I have to be a big girl now, and take control, rather than make excuses.

Posted at 10:05 am | No Comments »

Weigh In today. Was not expecting much; although I was quite good this week (well, not entirely true. Not so much ‘good’ as ‘not over points’, the difference being what made up those points), I went out to a party last night and had A Very Good Time (note the capitals). Which means that I enjoyed my large meal from Red Rooster, and drank far, far too much alcohol (particularly because they count towards points), and then ate some donuts, and red frogs and…well, at least I enjoyed myself.

I got in at 2:30 last night and dragged my bum out of bed at 8:00am this morning, feeling dehydrated but not really ‘hung over’ — no headache, nausea, etc. Just a little tired, thirsty and bloated. Accordingly, I figured that what with the bloating, I’d have gained weight, even if it was just for one day.

But I lost! I lost .6 of a kilo, which brings me to 6.4 kilos lost. I’ll have to work hard this week in order to ensure that it stays that way, and wasn’t just because there was no water in my body, but I’m determined to continue on from here.

In addition, there are now officially 21 weeks and 5 days until Christmas! I know I’ve written challenges down before but didn’t come through, but I feel like I can with this one, for several reasons. While I’ve been at home, I’ve started coming up with plans to cope at college. It includes keeping low fat yoghurt and vegetables in my fridge for snacks, as well as Diet Coke (so I don’t drink cordial during lunch, etc). During my main, hot meal of the day, I was always make myself eat a bowl of salad before I have my no-doubt-fatty lasagne/pasta/stir-fry/etc. In addition, I’m updating this much more regularly, keeping myself more accountable.

So I am setting this challenge for myself. I wanted to be 20kg lighter by the end of this year, that was always my goal, and so my new challenge is to have lost 20.4kg (So that I’m under 80kg) by Christmas. This means that I will need to lose exactly 14 kilograms in 20 weeks. Now that’s quite a challenge, I know it is. It’s 700grams per week. It’ll require lots of discipline and motivation, but realistically — I achieved that this week. And two weeks ago. And three weeks ago. So I am going to believe that I will meet this challenge, and I am going to try as hard as possible to do so. Because I believe that I will lose this weight. And I believe that I damned well deserve to.

Current Stats
Current Weight: 93.9
Loss/Gain This Week: -0.6
Total Loss: 6.4

Christmas Challenge
Weeks To Christmas: 21
Amount To Lose: 14.0

Posted at 10:55 pm | No Comments »

Weigh In was today, and as expected, I gained weight. Granted, it was .2 of a kilogram, nothing severe, but it also wasn’t a loss. I ate lots of crap this week, so I’m really not surprised. I was disappointed in myself, but more for my lack of control during the week.

It did have the good side-effect of shocking me into getting more disciplined. I walked back from my meeting, had breakfast (Weetbix and Pura No Fat Milk), sorted out my weekly food plan with Mum, and then went to the gym.

I was very proud of myself at the gym because I made myself run for 4 minutes. While it isn’t much, it’s a significantly larger achievement than my previous record: 1 minute 30 seconds. It was so odd, because when I got on the treadmill, I just <em>felt</em> like running, like I could do it. So I waited until I got to a song I love, then I turned it up to a higher speed and just got lost in the music. While the speed wasn’t as high as normal and the incline non-existant, it felt much better because my throat didn’t close over and I didn’t feel like I was about to have an asthma attack (which, when it happens, is frustrating because I don’t have asthma.) I did 30 minutes on the treadmill, ran/jogged a couple more times after that, then did 10 minutes on the stair climber, and 10 minutes on the rowing machine. I was very tired on the rowing machine, and ready to give up at 5 minutes, but I said to myself, “No, this is like losing weight, you need to focus on the smaller goals. Get to seven minutes.” Then when I got to seven minutes I said, “Get to nine minutes. Nine minutes is only one minute from ten.” So I got to ten and then pushed myself to get to 100 calories before I stopped. It felt so good to know that I can push myself.

Mum and I will take the dog for a walk this afternoon, too, so I decided not to bother with the cross-trainer, I was just so tired and Mum wanted me home. But I feel like I’ve done a reasonable amount of exercise today, so I’m happy.

I know my day started off badly, what with the Weigh In, but even though I felt bad then, I feel like I’ve turned around and taken control, and I love that.

Current Stats
Current Weight: 94.5
Loss/Gain This Week: +.2
Total Loss: 5.8

Posted at 10:47 pm | No Comments »

Saw a thread on the forums which seemed quite interesting, and I thought I’d include it for general reference. I have no doubt that the list will grow, but I’ll start it here.

Reasons Why I Want To Lose Weight

• I want to feel healthy instead of tired all the time.
• I want to be able to go for a walk and not be conscious of every wibble of fat as I walk.
• I want to be able to look into a mirror and see someone worth loving.
• I want to fit into a pair of 3-Quarter pants I bought 2 years ago, which were only a few kilograms too small.
• I want to fit into a Red Coat which I bought simply because I loved the colour and hang the size.
• I want to go out clubbing with friends and know that people are talking to me because they want to, not because a) they want an in with my friends, or worse b) they think I’m easy because I’m fat.
• I don’t want to be ‘the fat one’ of my friends anymore.
• I don’t ever want to be described as ‘cuddly’ again.
• I want to be able to go and exercise as much as I want without feeling like I’m going to die.
• I want to go into a store and not have to go straight to the back of the hangers, because only the largest sizes will ever possibly fit me.
• I want to be able to swap clothes with my sister and my friends.
• I want to know what it’s like to walk without your thighs chafing together.
• I want to spend six months in Edinburgh without people knowing that I was fat(ter).
• I want to be able to run marathons.
• I want a flat tummy.

Posted at 3:02 am | No Comments »

This has been a bad week thus far. I’ve been doing some exercise, but all it’s done is even me out so that I’m back at 0 points. I’ve eaten over 14 extra points this week, and I just feel kind of crappy. I feel like I’m betraying myself. The feeling is particularly stong at the moment, because I just had a Deli Choice from McDonalds and regular chips from KFC. While the Deli Choice had no dressing and was fully factored into my meals for today, the chips weren’t and were entirely because my brother wanted them and when we got there, I just couldn’t resist. I just cancelled out my exercise for today, and when I think about it, while I enjoyed it…it wasn’t worth the feeling now: slightly too full, annoyed at myself, and once more completely focussed on wanting to lose weight, and wishing I hadn’t given in.

I’m hoping I’ll remember this feeling for next time, and I’m going to try to rectify my actions immediately. I’m going to get my water bottle, try and reach my limit, and then starting tomorrow (i.e. next time I eat), I’m going to make sure that I’m back on track.

Posted at 8:09 am | No Comments »

So after the successes yesterday morning I went a little overboard. Mum made biscuits and I had about five, which was a little silly, and then we had steak and chips for dinner. It means that I’ll spend this week making up for it, although with the exercise I’d already done I was up 12 ‘points’, and now I need to have 3.5 to take me back to zero. I regret that I ate so many biscuits, because mostly it was because they were there, but I don’t regret the chips. I just don’t want to be one of those people who become so obsessive about it and decide that they can’t do anything when they have a little blowout — and then they drop the entire program. I like eating what I want, and I’m not going to apologise if I eat Red Rooster or McDonalds or fast food every so often. Because I enjoy it. That said, I do want to curb my impulses and stick to just one treat. So I suppose I’ll have to work on that.

Other news today; I went to Amart All Sports for their ‘Mega 30% Off Sale’ (imagine over-excited voice over here), mostly because my exercise pants are becoming a little too a) big and b) worn out. So I went and bought two tops and two pairs of pants, which should work very nicely. I guess they’re a bit of a treat for getting to 5kg, a sort of non-food reward. I’m also excited because I’m officially a size 16. I have gone down an entire size from when I started. I can’t wait until I hit size 14 — I don’t remember being that small in my life. At least not during or after high school.

I guess that’s one of the reasons I find it so hard to ‘visualise’ my end goal…because I’ve never been there. Lots of people have a dress they want to fit back into, or a picture from when they were younger and so on. I have none of that. None that’s realistic, anyway. It gets hard sometimes to motivate myself because of that, but one of the ways I’m overcoming that is by focusing on the numbers, and how novel it will be to get to that point. I don’t remember being under 90kgs. I just don’t. And I’m so focused on getting to the 89.9 mark, to the point where it is an 8 in front, it’s a motivator in itself. And I’m so close — I’m only 4.4 kilograms away. And once I get there, I’m only 5 kilograms away from being 85.9, and then only five kilograms away from being 79.9, and then not far from 60kg, my ultimate goal.

But for now, I have to concentrate on getting under 90. Because that’s important to me, and if I can do that I’ll inspire myself to do the rest. At the moment, the rest just seems so hard, so far away. So I’ll concentrate on 89.9kg, because I can do that. I know I can do that.

Posted at 3:22 am | No Comments »

Weigh in today! I really love my ‘leader’ in Brisbane; she’s perky, fun, and very forthright. She’s quick to congratulate, and quick to tell you what you need to do differently when you’re having a bad week. I am currently weighing in at 94.3, which means that I have lost 6 kilograms thus far, and lost 1.1 this week. I am aiming to have lost another 1.5 kilograms next week, although it will take a lot of work. I will need to cut down on the chocolate and the cordial, and make sure that I do actually do the exercise I intend to. But I would love to be able to get to my 10% goal before I get back to Sydney, and unfortunately that’s only a few meetings away.

Still, I am optimistic and enthusiastic. Must go now and get ready for the gym. Will report back soon.

Posted at 8:10 pm | No Comments »

So I have finally managed to install WordPress, which is wonderful, because even the base, generic layout looks to pretty, and as all the world seems to know: aesthetics are important.

I didn’t reach the goal of getting under 90 kilos before my birthday, for several reasons. There was the ever-present cloud that is college food hanging over my head, and in addition to that there was all-nighters and exam block and so on. It just ended up not being feasible. But I’m back home now. The food is much lighter, I can choose when to eat, and I get to exercise. The first week I was home I lost .9 of a kilogram, finally. I’m hoping to lose some again this week, but I’ll find out tomorrow during my weigh in.

So, fingers crossed, and hopefully I’ll get the website up and running properly. This is my journey, and my life, and I am taking control.

Posted at 8:10 am | No Comments »

So the countdown to the birthday didn’t work, because of exams and college food.

Posted at 7:56 am | No Comments »