Three, in fact!

1. I had a weigh in on Saturday and I am now 86.8kg! Which means that instead of gaining weight when I had the flu, I lost. About 2.3kg, actually. I think this is because, as the flu got worse, I had no food in the house and not enough strength to actually go and get some from outside the house. We’re pretty close to amenities on all sides — but not that close. So at one point I was subsisiting on 9 points a day less than I should — what I could make, I couldn’t really eat (pasta), or wasn’t very point-filled (vegemite on toast). But once I’d gotten food in, I deliberately had a high-point/calorie day, in order to try to jump start my metabolism again. Then I tracked religiously for the next week. And I guess it paid off.

2. My body is one! I’ve always, even at my heaviest, had some sort of hourglass, partly due to my grandfather-inherited ribs which stick out a mile, and partly due to the very wide hips I inherited from my grandmother. So I’ve always had a waist because it falls in between these two features. But it was only really a waist when it was underneath some well-chosen clothing. Because in reality it was made up of three to four spare tyres around the stomach which just happened to fit into a waist-shape if I wore cross-over type clothes. Now it’s just one big curve! I’ve lost the extra rolls somewhere! That’s not to say there’s no fat, just that my waist truely is a waist. Am incredibly excited by this prospect.

3. I am a size 16! In the pants, I mean. My jeans (which I bought just before Christmas, I might add), have been quite baggy lately, so when I went into a store I saw some jeans and went “Ahhh…why not?” I also grabbed a size 14 top and hey presto, they fit! Perfectly, too. Not too snug or anything. They just sort of sat firmly — properly — on my skin. But I’m cheap, so I didn’t buy them. I did, however, stand looking at myself in the mirror for a good 10 minutes.

So for me, this last week has been about encouragement while I’m unable to do much because of illness. It’s about finding that motivation again in order to take the next step foward. And I’m pretty excited about it.

Posted at 1:26 am | No Comments »

This last week has been something of a trial, to say the least. I have had my first real experience of a ‘flu’ as opposed to a ‘cold’, and the difference sucks. And before I realised that there was a difference (and which one I was experiencing), I decided to play the martyr and do a 7.5km run. (We ended up getting there late so I half-arsed it — it worked out to about 4.5kms [not that I ran all that distance], but then with all the walking around we did looking for the start, I walked 8kms more than usual because of it.

Which would have been fine if it hadn’t meant that I was cold for most of the day and ended up buggering myself up. On Sunday I woke up and could only walk down the stairs before I had to sit down. My strength would last long enough to put pasta on the boil (could only eat half), and then I would need to lie down for a while. It was horrible. At one point I had to lie on the couch for 15 minutes just so I could make it back up the stairs. Bloody ridiculous.

So basically, I haven’t been out to get myself weighed yet. Because it requires me walking the better part of a kilometre, getting on a bus, getting off the bus, crossing the street, weighing myself, and then doing it all in reverse. The sitting on the bus part would be fine — it’s the part where I have to walk to get there that is daunting.

I wouldn’t be surprised if I gained weight — I’m over my points this week by 17.5 (which is about 2.5 per day, I suppose.). But I just can’t be bothered to go to check. Hopefully this feeling will leave soon, and I’ll be fit as a fiddle. Until then, I’m just going to focus on eating well and getting the right nutrients.

Hope you’re all well!

Posted at 9:59 am | No Comments »

I have a tendancy to get a little obsessive about the mind-games of weight loss. And I go through phases where I want to find out everything to do with it. For a while it was reading books, then it was the Weight Watchers websites, and when I’m in Oz I regularly buy Cosmo’s and Women’s Health, and now I’m going through the Jillian Michael’s podcast phase, and reading Craig Harper’s blog.

The Craig Harper blog is something I pop into whenever I see a headline that makes me go, “Hmmm…”, so I’m not a hard-corer (and I know there are some out there.) I haven’t read Fattitude (although I would like to.) But I came across this post the other day, and I think this is a particularly interesting fact:

1. The woman I was speaking with had lost 7 kgs (15.4 lbs) since New Years day 2009. Now… in order to regain that weight eating chocolate only, she would need to consume 53,900 calories of milk chocolate (her preference) and that would have to be without expending any energy - which is obviously impossible. How many calories did she actually consume on her Saturday night choc binge? 625. That is, 1 x 125 gram block of milk chocolate. How many of those 125 gram blocks would she need to eat to regain all of her weight? Eighty six - and that would be on top of her normal daily (healthy) eating - because her normal healthy diet would take care of her energy requirements for the day and the excess cals from the choc would provide the additional energy for the weight gain. Do I need to say any more? So was her “I blew it” response something of a ridiculous and inappropriate over-reaction? And then some.

I’m posting this because I want to remember this fact for when I do ‘blow it’. What it means is that, regardless of how you go in the next week — the only way to truely ‘blow it’ is to give up.

And I’m not going to do that.

Posted at 5:58 pm | No Comments »

I was going to say something about the fires in Victoria, but I don’t think it’s my place. It’s affected me emotionally (it’s very difficult to see something and be unable to do anything), but it also hasn’t impacted me in any true sense. Then I wasn’t going to say anything — but I couldn’t just ignore it, because it’s horrific and I’m not just going to pretend it hasn’t happened. So I guess I’m just going to say that: if anyone from the fire-belt is reading this, I hope you and all your family is well, that the coming months get easier for you, and that you receive all the help you need. There are people all over the world thinking of you and praying for you.

And…I guess that’s it. I spent the weekend in York, and it was very uneventful. I haven’t been running because it’s been snowing for the past week. Not just snowing, but the type that settles and then turns into ice and makes you fall over — very bad for running. Ignoring that, though, I am officially back on track. And…that’s it for today. I hope you and your family are all safe.

Posted at 3:17 pm | No Comments »

In the abscence of any real Weight loss inspired news (I ate 250gms of icecream, today, but it was Skinny Cow so works out to about 4 points so I just don’t care, also I want soup for dinner and I think that the much larger amount of bread I’ve eaten today — 2 rolls and 1 slice — will come back and haunt me in terms of bloatedness tomorrow. I’ve realised I feel much better when I just avoid the stuff.) I figured I’d grab this little factlet meme and define myself in 50 short-answer questions. Why not?

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Am currently car free.
2. When was the last time you threw up? My birthday last year.
3. What’s your favorite curse word? The See You Next Tuesday. It’s satisfyingly vicious. But only if the day is going really wrong, and never directed towards someone.
4. Name three people who made you smile today. Alexis (French Exchange student), Cara (Scottish group member), Mathilde (French Roommate). [Aren't I so multicultural?]
5. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Eating breakfast, making sure I had everything in my bag, and trying to find my French homework.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Eating nutella on bread.
7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Doing a French assignment.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes.
9. What’s the last thing you said aloud? “You were making funny faces” (Explaining why I was laughing at my roommate.)
10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked. My god, it was a culinary revelation when I found it.
11. What is the last thing you had to drink? Water?
12. What are you wearing right now? What aren’t I wearing? Two shirts, a jumper and my jacket, my jeans, two pairs of socks, a scarf and my shoes.
13. What was the last thing you ate? Nutella on bread.
14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Yes. 3 pairs of boots (all different, I swear!), 4 T-shirts and a scarf.
15. When was the last time you ran? Wednesday? Tuesday? One of those two.
16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Um…Bledisloe Cup, I think.
17. Who’s the last person you e-mailed? My Business Venturing group members.
18. Ever go camping? Once? It was sandy and dirty.
19. Do you have a tan? Nope.
20. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Sometimes.
21. Are you someone’s best friend? Maybe.
22. What are you doing tomorrow? Going to York for the weekend to see my lovely sister.
23. Where is your mum right now? In Brisbane, currently in the middle of her weekend.
24. Look to your left. The heater. It finally turned on.
25. What color is your watch? I don’t own one.
26. What comes to mind when you think of Australia? Home!
27. Would you consider plastic surgery? Yes, possibly.
28. What is your birthstone? Pearl.
29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Go in. Drive through takes longer.
30. How many kids do you want? None?
31. Do you have a dog? Yes — Flash, possibly the best puppy in the world.
32. Last person you talked to on the phone. My sister.
33. Have you met anyone famous? No.
34. Any plans today? Soup, study, sleep.
35. Ever go to college? Yes.
36. Where are you right now? At the kitchen table pressed up against the heater.
37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? My internet connection.
38. Last song listened to? Emancipate Myself — Thirsty Merc.
39. Are you allergic to anything? Bactrim.
40. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Haviana Thongs.
41. Are you jealous of anyone? No.
42. Who is your favorite actor/actress? - Meryl Streep and Renee Z — because when I watch their movies I forget that they are acting.
43. What time is it? 5:20pm, Friday the 6 February 2009
44. Do any of your friends have children? Yes (eep!)
45. Do you eat healthy? I am eating healthier.
46. What do you usually do during the day? Wish I was not at uni.
47. How old will you be on your next birthday? 21!
48. Have you ever been to Europe? Yes.
49. Name one thing you’d still like to do. Fall in love? (Cliche alert!)
50. Favorite colour? Red! Bright but with just a little depth to it.

Posted at 5:21 pm | No Comments »

So a couple of days ago, I posted about Baby Steps, and about how it is important to focus on doing the little things.

And then I realised yesterday that I should focus on Baby Achievements, too, because they’re just as important. And I had some pretty big ones yesterday. Firstly, I tried on size 18 jeans — and they were too big. I’m not sure if they were so big I should have tried on the 16 (I didn’t bother), but they were too big to buy new and look nice in.

And secondly, I had a photo taken yesterday for my Student Railcard. And for the first time that I can remember — I didn’t hate the photo that was taken. Maybe it’s because the instant photobooth printer did something wierd (my eyes in the photo are brown, when I’m really blue-eyed), but I don’t hate it. It’s not the most amazing photo ever, but I can look at it now and think, “Actually, my lips are a really nice colour. And I have cheekbones starting to emerge from underneath the fat. And my skin looks so healthy…” It was a new experience, to feel that way.

And finally, I went to WW in Edinburgh. I didn’t intend to sign up — and I don’t think I’ll go again, but I needed to get my current weight (I left Australia a month ago on the 8th), and I needed to get the materials to find out how much changes in the food here. I weighed in at 89.4, but I consider that a maintenance. At home, first thing in the morning, wearing a summer dress, I’m 88. Here, at night, wearing jeans, two dresses and a (did I take it off?) jumper, I’m 89.4. Now, I just want to accelerate the process. (But I’ll post about the goal-setting tomorrow, because I have to get ready for Uni now.)

Posted at 10:10 am | No Comments »

So I’ve been listening to a lot of Jillian Michaels recently (mostly because I don’t want to do school work). And one of the things that she’s been talking about in her latest podcast is this idea of physically identifying the things that make you tick. This definately brought two things to mind for me (which are more private issues regarding relationships, so they’ll be written in my journal rather than in my weight loss blog). But then upon further reflection, I thought of this:

Part of me is afraid of being skinny.

That’s right. I think that’s the thing that holds me back a lot of the time. While 95% of me wants it so badly — wants to go to the parties and to be able to walk into clothes shops, wants to wear bikinis to the beach and be the cutest of my friends (or at the very least, not be the ‘fat friend’). But part of me is scared of being skinny because there is so much I don’t like about myself right now. I hate the social awkwardness, I hate being so shy, I hate not having the words when I want to say something, I hate feeling incomfortable in my own skin, I hate that I don’t get up early in the mornings and I don’t know everything about everything. Some of these things will change as I lose weight.

But some of them won’t, and that scares me, because for a very long time, losing weight has been the solution. Feel crappy? Resolve to lose 5 kilograms. To me skinny = perfection. And that 5% part that isn’t all focus is scared about what happens when I get there and it isn’t a happily ever after.

And there’s another point, I suppose: I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. Even in grade 1, I remember I was the second largest girl in the class. In grade 5, I weighed more than my teacher (although in hindsight, I’m pretty sure I was also as tall as, if not taller than — but all I remember is the shame.) Who am I without the layer of pudge? Who am I if not that jovial girl who is quite nice if shy and and needs to lose a few? Who am I if I am defining myself by what I like, instead of what I hate? Once I reach the goal, will I find that I’ve transformed into this confident, stylish woman who has it together? Or will I still be this neurotic mess who can’t bloody bring herself to talk to a boy she likes?

I don’t know. I don’t. But I guess at the end of the day, the most important question is: How badly do I want to find out?

And the answer — very.

Posted at 12:11 pm | No Comments »

So, it’s absolutely an excuse, but frankly, I think the fact that it was snowing all day is an acceptable reason not to go for a run. Personally, I’m okay with it. I did try to get the DVD set up so that I could do an exercise DVD instead, but it didn’t work. I need to buy another cable for it. So my plan for today is: have Bubble and Squeak for lunch, then go and buy the cable, a washing basket, and some long sleeve shirts for running (and a scarf), and then do some work for class.

Posted at 12:10 pm | No Comments »

So baby steps, yes? Finally went for a walk/run today. Went out my street and kept going until I found water, then turned down another street and came home. Worked out my route using running ahead afterwards, and I went 4.41km today. Which is 2.7 miles and doesn’t sound nearly as impressive. But it is more than I would do at home. And I wore a scarf which helped a lot with fixing my lung-issue. I have to pull it over my mouth and nose, and I must look like an idiot running like that, but it’s so worth it. Now, I want to find a 3km run so that I can work on being able to run all of it, and then I will increase to the 5 and then to the 10. Woot. I think my baby steps will have me doing at least the 3km each day, since it’s basically just around the block. And I’ll try to do my exercise DVD, etc. too.

For dinner last night I was very impressed with myself — I made a pasta with tomato, zucchini, mushroom and capsicum sauce. Today I think I’ll do roasted cherry tomatoes and spinach with cheese (and maybe some muchroom, since I need to use it up.) The french girls are making dinner, which is nice of them. I don’t want to think about the amount of calories in their cheese, though. So I’ll just ignore it.

Posted at 11:49 am | No Comments »

Right, baby steps. I constantly forget that I need to do things in baby steps. It’s not all or nothing. And it’s not easy to just slip back into a routine halfway around the world.

Long story short. Didn’t go for run. Went shopping instead. (Did walk halfway home, to be fair.) But I did do Push Ups. Which is the first baby step (and doesn’t require me to get changed and go out in the cold.). It was so much harder than it should have been. I really need to get back into a routine. But I did do 75 push ups today, which is a step. And then I went to Tesco’s and brought home some heavy bags. It was surprisingly hard and I’m quite shaky, which I don’t like at all.

(Also, I played around with the website a bit — unfortunately, most of that was for my benefit. The ability to comment is apparently there — but in actuality it isn’t working right now. Will get to that soon, hopefully.)

Posted at 3:46 am | No Comments »