Went for another run today! This time is was intervals: walk 2 powerpoles, run 2 powerpoles. Doing it this way I managed to shave a whopping 4 minutes off my run time. Which leads me to believe that I will actually be able to do the 1.5km next run, which will be either tomorrow or Wednesday, depending on how I feel.

Here’s a picture of me after my run, with my afternoon snack:

I’m a bit pink in the face but it’s winter, so I cooled down quickly and am not nearly as red as I was when I first got in. The jumper is one that my Mum knitted for my Dad years and years ago.

Other awesome news is that I’m currently on track! Had a big bowl of cereal for breakfast, for lunch had vegemite and cheese on burgen bread, and dinner will be vegies and San Chow Boy (or is it San Choy Bow? I always get confused…). While I’ve been studying I’ve been snacking on fruit and sunflower seeds, and my drinks have included green tea, water and I’ll probably have a Berocca. And of course, at the same time I’m monitoring my fibre intake, which is also going well.

It’s funny how accountability really does change your mindset. My leader wants to see my tracker this week, so I am determined to do well. I want to loose weight, but I was praise, dammit! Apparently it’s to do with a ’social contract’ and we consider it a social obligation and don’t want to lose face.  But it works, doesn’t it?

Posted at 6:52 am | 1 Comment »

Okay, I’m done. I’m still not feeling 100%. Still tired and still with a runny nose, but my head is ready to get back to it. I’ll have to take it slowly, but it’s better than nothing, right?

I’m really going to need to crack down. The few days since I got back on Monday have been ridiculous. I’ve just eaten whatever I wanted….mostly crap. What can I say? I sook when I’m sick.

But I’ve had issues lately with feeling like I’m just all over the place — in everything, not just weight loss. Mentally, physically, emotionally, it’s like pieces of me are scattered everywhere and as a result, I’m forgetting things, I’m ignoring my goals, I’m just slacking and not really getting where I want to go. So, I’m going to sit down and work out what I want and what I’m going to commit to — and why.

So, here’s what I want.

1) Exercise 7 times a week, judgement removed. I don’t care if I run or walk or just do 10 push-ups, once a day I will do something as a reminder of what my end goal is. And record it! Running Ahead is my favourite website for that, I love going back to the calendar and being able to see just what I’ve done.
2) Track without judgement! What a smug b*tch I was, just three posts ago. I forgot to track while I was away, just completely slipped my mind, and then being the idjit I was I didn’t want to track from half-way through the week. …Yeah. As of tomorrow, I’m back to tracking hardcore. Everything.
3) Plan my meals. I love cooking! But when was the last time I actually tried to cook something new? I need to know what I’m going to cook and when, need to buy it and actually do it. Because if it’s not in my house, I will end up eating cereal. That’s the kind of cook I am.
4) Drink water. I’m a water person anyway. But while I was away, there was juice. And so now I need to detox back into being a full-time water person, rather than guzzling all the milk in the house.
5) Post as often as possible. I can’t promise that I’m an everyday person, although when I’m really concentrated and focused, I can even be a twice a day poster. But I love reading blogs and interacting with others.
6) Give up alcohol for a month! I know, a bit risky for me. At 21, everyone around me is a drinker, but I’m just going to give myself one month and see how I go.

So I guess for me, that’s about it. I’m not going to commit to anything unrealistic like giving up sugar or coke (!), since I am an addict and I do limit these anyway. I am aware that I am a very lazy loser…if it isn’t simple, easy-ish changes, then I just won’t stick with it. And I’d like for these things to become habit.

Hope everyone else is well and hasn’t let easter get them down. Apart from Christmas, it’s the most deadly holiday, since the whole world (it seems) engages in a conspiracy of gluttony. But it’s over now, rejoice!

Posted at 10:38 am | No Comments »

Stole the title from the Skinny Train thread because I love it.

Going great guns at the moment. Tracking has been going well — a few points over 18 most days but always under 22 (which is about where I should be) so I won’t worry about it. Refuse to, in fact. I know that I’m eating well and also enjoying myself, and that’s the important thing.

Today I hit up the Body Balance class again, which I absolutely love. It gives me such a mid-week burst, and the tracks are short enough that just as I think my legs will collapse — it changes. My favourite part is the sun-salutation…maybe I just love the idea of worshipping the sun? I’m always just a little disappointed when we follow a different yoga warm up, sort of a like a friend has decided to skip the class.

Then I did the 100 Push Up Challenge Day 2 and managed to do it. I couldn’t believe how sore my arms and abs have been in the past few days just from the 13 push ups I did last time. I’ve been aching for days.

So now I’m dancing around my room non-stop full of energy and wondering what I should do after this post. Normally I’d head for green tea but I’m not sure I need the energy boost — might start pinging off the walls, hehe.

Posted at 5:17 am | No Comments »

I was quite concerned about this weigh in, simply because I had no idea what my body was doing: on the one hand, I’d eat really poorly while I was away, because that’s all that was available. On the other hand — I had food poisoning.

Food poisoning won out, it seems! I weighed in today at 84.4. I am well into Virgin fat, here, people.

I also bought a dress today in a size 14. I want to wear it to my birthday in about 6 weeks. It’s too small. Bad thing. But it’s only just too small. It does up, it’s just not quite comfortable. So my goal is to get to the point where I can wear that dress comfortably by my birthday. It’s only a couple of centimetres. Only a few. I can do it. And I have the bloody dress for motivation.

I’m in it!

Posted at 5:04 pm | No Comments »

I have a tendancy to get a little obsessive about the mind-games of weight loss. And I go through phases where I want to find out everything to do with it. For a while it was reading books, then it was the Weight Watchers websites, and when I’m in Oz I regularly buy Cosmo’s and Women’s Health, and now I’m going through the Jillian Michael’s podcast phase, and reading Craig Harper’s blog.

The Craig Harper blog is something I pop into whenever I see a headline that makes me go, “Hmmm…”, so I’m not a hard-corer (and I know there are some out there.) I haven’t read Fattitude (although I would like to.) But I came across this post the other day, and I think this is a particularly interesting fact:

1. The woman I was speaking with had lost 7 kgs (15.4 lbs) since New Years day 2009. Now… in order to regain that weight eating chocolate only, she would need to consume 53,900 calories of milk chocolate (her preference) and that would have to be without expending any energy - which is obviously impossible. How many calories did she actually consume on her Saturday night choc binge? 625. That is, 1 x 125 gram block of milk chocolate. How many of those 125 gram blocks would she need to eat to regain all of her weight? Eighty six - and that would be on top of her normal daily (healthy) eating - because her normal healthy diet would take care of her energy requirements for the day and the excess cals from the choc would provide the additional energy for the weight gain. Do I need to say any more? So was her “I blew it” response something of a ridiculous and inappropriate over-reaction? And then some.

I’m posting this because I want to remember this fact for when I do ‘blow it’. What it means is that, regardless of how you go in the next week — the only way to truely ‘blow it’ is to give up.

And I’m not going to do that.

Posted at 5:58 pm | No Comments »

I’ve been dreaming about High School. (Again.) This happens semi-regularly, but it annoys me. High School was alternatively utter bliss and pure crap. It was long bouts of feeling awkward in class and having the absolute certainty that I didn’t fit in, knowing that the people around me were just tolerating me, and feeling like the annoying outsider whenever I tried to join in. (Of course, at the same time, I had an amazing group of friends, but when we did different subjects I was stranded.) I remember feeling bewildered and unsure and, yeah, fat. I felt ugly and completely socially incompetant.

So these dreams I have semi-regularly tend to randomly include boys I used to know/like, people who made me feel awkward…suddenly being my friends. It’s a wierd interaction (obviously — I’m dreaming), but my dreams never have that feeling of self-consciousness.

I wish I was over this feeling. I’m 4 years out of high school and I still feel like this. I still go to events (like the Ceilidh and I need to push myself to dance, because I’m always worried that my partner is thinking “Oh no, I don’t want the fat one.”

I need to lose this weight, because I know it’s a big part of it. But more than that, I want the confidence of losing weight — the knowledge that I can do it to be there. I want the confidence of liking who I am to go through everyday life and to throw myself into it. I need to do this. I just…didn’t realise how much.

Posted at 1:09 am | No Comments »

This is what I listen to now every night before my Mum drags me out of bed at 4:45 in order to start running. When I watch just before I go to bed, it’s there in the morning. So even when the first word out of my mouth is “Fuuuuuuuuhhrk.” I’m secretly a little bit pumped.

Posted at 11:12 pm | No Comments »

Am wonderful today. Finally got the motivation I need in the form of some information regarding points and group exercise: 10 points for a class like BodyJam or Boxercise. 10 points. Here I was the entire time, thinking that these classes would be a nice sort of break if I got tired but they wouldn’t really be on the same level as solitary workouts…but that’s basically double what I can do on my own in an hour. And it’s more fun!

So I hit up the Body Jam class and loved it. Loved the instructor, loved the work out, loved everything. I left feeling exhausted but not in a bad way. And then I came back to my room and got back on my ‘100 Push Up Challenge’ horse. The poor thing got neglected for a while, but luckily, I was able to complete Week 3, Day 1. Hurrah!

Now all I have to do is finish my damnable University work before I leave for home on Thursday morning, bright and very early.

100 Push Up Challenge
Level: Week Three, Day One.
Push Ups Day 2: 50!

Posted at 4:59 am | No Comments »

Although it seems quite obvious, I am just now beginning to really understand what a mind game weight loss actually is. The ups and downs can be so hard or so easy to take, depending on your mood. I think this has come to me as a follow on from my last post, but…the knowledge that actually, I am the one in control, the one who has the power over it all, is just wonderful. All too often, other people run my life. My timetable belongs to others, I work for others, I write my assignments to be graded by others… but this ‘journey’ (so cliche, p.s.) belongs to me entirely. So I need to take ownership entirely. If I have a bad night, I need to take control and own it. I go over what I should eat — own in. I go under — own it. My body and my weight are some of the only things I can ever own completely. It’s mine.

Have signed up for (yet) another challenge. Am still involved in the Christmas Challenge, although my lack of weigh-ins did sort of short-stop it. This current challenge is ambitious, but with so many girls doing it, it’s also very exciting. It’s called 10 in 10, and obviously the aim is to lose 10 kilos in 10 weeks, which I would love to do. Have signed up with my current weight (Weigh In this morning) and will hopefully make the gym tonight!

In addition, I have started a personal challenge through this website: One Hundred Push Ups. Granted, I am up to Week 1, Day 1 (which was yesterday. Day 2 is tomorrow), and I am at the lowest level (that being 2 push ups and then a break), and not even doing full push ups — I’m doing the knee ones. But even today, I can feel that slight ache in my muscles which says that I’m doing something right. And it’s so convenient because I can take this challenge anywhere. I just clear a space on my floor and start. I’m really excited about it, because I’d love to be able to just drop and give a person 100 push ups whenever I want to. How cool would that be?

I particularly like that challenge because it’s so specific and it’s not weight-loss orientated. There’s only 1 thing that comes into it — do I do it or not? Weight loss has so many factors — what did I eat, what exercise did I do, what time in my cycle is it, how much water have I had, when did I eat last night… on and on. But this is direct. And I like the fact that I’m slowly learning to enjoy exercise, to appreciate something I used to loathe, and to understand how wonderful it feels just getting a kick out of something so real-life.

So, (ever expanding) stats:

Current Stats
Current Weight: 94.0
Loss/Gain This Week: -0.5
Total Loss: 6.3

Christmas Challenge
Weeks To Christmas: 17
Amount To Lose: 14.1

10 in 10 Challenge
Starting Weight: 94.0
Goal Weight: 84.0

100 Push Up Challenge
Level: Week One, Day One.
Push Ups Day 1: 13

Posted at 9:14 pm | No Comments »

I kind of hate that I only post in here when I’m coming back to hitting the wagon, or when things are going well. I have no doubt that anyone reading this would see all the plans — birthday countdown, holiday countdown…but then I haven’t come through with it yet, and that kind of sucks. Particularly because it seems like these are all empty plans. They aren’t. The issue is that whenever I’m feeling crappy about it, I don’t post — a habit from the days when my friends would read anything I wrote and so I’d have to edit my feelings in order not to offend them.

I have technically fallen off the wagon, although to be fair not as badly as I’d thought. I gained 0.6 kilos this week, although I weighed myself at home rather than at a meeting. That’s not fantastic by any means, but this past (two, in fact) weeks have been hard. This week, I was optimistic, but it proved to be a little too much so; I’d forgotten it was O-Week at college, which meant big nights, little exercise and generally nothing conducive to wellbeing.

What it’s taken for me to come round is a) my being ill, and b) my getting quite drunk on Friday night, and so worried about what I’d eaten that I seriously considered trying to throw up to get rid of it. That’s shit. That’s my weight ruling my life in a completely passive-aggressive way. And that’s not good enough. My body is not well because I have been putting crap into it. This is my body’s way of telling me that if I give it shit, it will turn around and give me shit right back.

So, dear body, I am making a pact with you: You be good to me, and I’ll be good to you. If you tell me what you want, I will give it to you. No more fighting. From now on, we will be the best of friends. [And this interloper called fat will be our worst enemy. Promise?]

Current Stats
Current Weight: 94.5
Loss/Gain This Week: +0.6
Total Loss: 5.8

Christmas Challenge
Weeks To Christmas: 19
Amount To Lose: 14.6

Posted at 9:26 pm | No Comments »