I’m a night snacker. I can’t even claim to be reformed, since I’m still sitting here trying to distract myself so that I don’t get up and pilfer the cupboards. It’s easier that there isn’t really anything in the cupboards to eat. Maybe I’m learning! I hope I get to the point where I don’t have this nightly mental battle. For one thing, it’s really distracting to constantly have to argue with myself.

But I’m over my points today by 1 point already, so that’s that. There will be no more food tonight.

Posted at 9:40 pm | No Comments »

I am just feeling awful. Yesterday I had crisps (yes, they were yummy), but now I’m feeling all bloated and gross. And certain other factors don’t help with feeling bloated, if you know what I mean. I’m just feeling so gluggy and I don’t want to move. I have to, however. Got to clean the house (it’s a mess — again! Why do I keep agreeing with my flatmates that we should have people over? I always end up cleaning up!) and then do some uni work. Sigh. Have an exam this thursday and I need to get started on work for Monday and Wednesday. Have to try to be productive, and not ‘blergh.’

…

You guys probably all know about tracking, especially if you’re in WW. I know about tracking. I’ve known about it since I first did WW in — what was it? — 2005? But I’ve never really tracked consistently. This is mostly because I would track just fine, and then the first time I fell off, I wouldn’t want to write it down. I didn’t want people to see how I was screwing up this program. God forbid people judge me!

What a moron. You don’t track so that WW thinks you’re following it’s program all nice and sweet. There’s no tracking auditor who’s going to sneak in without your permission and check your food. You track for you. The way I’m approaching this, this time, is tracking without judgement. Especially not judging myself! I’m removing the emotional element from tracking — if I write it down, that’s good enough, particularly if I’m over. I don’t berate myself for it, I don’t get angry or upset…there’s that saying about spilt milk, you know? I can change it if it’s already in my stomach. But I can track it, without hating myself for it, just being honest and, yeah, accountable. And not feeling bad for it. Tracking religiously is a good thing!

That said, I have to go finish my tracking for yesterday. It was a particularly bad day, since I went to a barbeque for what I thought was an afternoon feed, so I didn’t have lunch — we didn’t end up eating until 8pm, so I was snacking all afternoon. That said, it could be worse. I could have just not tracked at all, then if I get on the scales and gain, wonder why I’m suddenly heavier.

Posted at 12:43 am | 1 Comment »

Forgot to say that I weighed myself at the gym scales (on both the digital and non-digital [analogue?] scales), and my highest weight was 86.4, which will now be my base weight, since these will be the scales I use most often.

Which means I’ve lost weight, woot!

Current Stats
Current Weight: 86.4
Loss/Gain This Week: -.6
Total Loss: 13.9

EDIT: Behold my new table of tracking:

Posted at 4:45 pm | No Comments »

I have a tendancy to get a little obsessive about the mind-games of weight loss. And I go through phases where I want to find out everything to do with it. For a while it was reading books, then it was the Weight Watchers websites, and when I’m in Oz I regularly buy Cosmo’s and Women’s Health, and now I’m going through the Jillian Michael’s podcast phase, and reading Craig Harper’s blog.

The Craig Harper blog is something I pop into whenever I see a headline that makes me go, “Hmmm…”, so I’m not a hard-corer (and I know there are some out there.) I haven’t read Fattitude (although I would like to.) But I came across this post the other day, and I think this is a particularly interesting fact:

1. The woman I was speaking with had lost 7 kgs (15.4 lbs) since New Years day 2009. Now… in order to regain that weight eating chocolate only, she would need to consume 53,900 calories of milk chocolate (her preference) and that would have to be without expending any energy - which is obviously impossible. How many calories did she actually consume on her Saturday night choc binge? 625. That is, 1 x 125 gram block of milk chocolate. How many of those 125 gram blocks would she need to eat to regain all of her weight? Eighty six - and that would be on top of her normal daily (healthy) eating - because her normal healthy diet would take care of her energy requirements for the day and the excess cals from the choc would provide the additional energy for the weight gain. Do I need to say any more? So was her “I blew it” response something of a ridiculous and inappropriate over-reaction? And then some.

I’m posting this because I want to remember this fact for when I do ‘blow it’. What it means is that, regardless of how you go in the next week — the only way to truely ‘blow it’ is to give up.

And I’m not going to do that.

Posted at 5:58 pm | No Comments »

So today I said goodbye to Weight Watchers. I kind of expected it to be some lovely farewell; I quite like my leader and she was always so nice to me. But instead it just kind of reinforced to me why I am desisting with the meetings. The meeting was a free-for-all, an ‘any topic goes’ kind of thing. So it was about challenges, and about how to overcome them, and so on.

And I just sat there thinking, “But I know this. Tell me something new. Tell me something exciting. Tell me how I can do better.” And then I realised; at the end of the day, there is nothing new. Nothing exciting. Just staying power and making sure that you follow through with what you want.

So the time of my giving money to Weight Watchers has come to an end. I will continue with the program, simply because it’s an easy way to ensure that I’m not overeating. I will continue to track. I will continue to drink water. I will continue to exercise. And I will continue to lose weight. But I think the formalised form of Weight Watchers — the women confessing to every forbidden morsel, paying $60 I can ill-afford to attend meetings which I’m not sure I’m getting much out of — I think that’s done. For now.

Maybe in the future I’ll need it again. But for now, I’m going to spread my wings and try to fly (for the most part) solo.

Posted at 5:05 pm | No Comments »

So yesterday was Christmas, and you know what? I don’t care what I ate. Yes, it was more that a normal day, yes, I had dessert, and I think the only low-fat thing there was the water. But the fact is that it’s not going to be repeated, and I don’t care about what I ate enough to panic over it. I enjoyed myself, but I’m done.

The women over on the Weight Watcher’s board are currently going through a blow-by-blow of everything they put in their mouths over Christmas. That’s up to them. I can understand keeping track, and I can understand being worried. But it’s not really for me. I don’t want to have a mild freak out every time I have a glass of full-fat milk. And maybe this attitude will get me where I want to go slower than they will…but to be honest, I’m okay with that too.

I guess I’m just tired of some of the attitudes at WW. The program has been great for me, it’s true. And I’m not going back to full-fat anything in the near future. But…this spiral where people are so ‘knowledgeable’, this ’support’ that comes through…this feeling that these women are ashamed about what they’ve done and have to ‘fess up’. I’m a little tired of it. I’m tired of being so pedantic. And with my going to Scotland so close around the corner, I’ve got a decision to make: do I stay with WW? Obviously I’ve cancelled my membership to the Australian Weight Watchers. But do I want to get back on that horse in Scotland? I don’t know. I almost think that I might take the tools and ignore the support. Of course, I will need to keep track — Weighing, Exercising, Eating. But I can do that alone…

I have a couple of weeks to make that decision. But I do need to make sure that I stay accountable.

Posted at 12:39 pm | No Comments »

Day 1 of the all-consuming-obsession went very well. I clocked up 18.5 points, was full all day, ticked off all of my boxes and therefore must be awesome. This was helped along by my obsession with stationery (what can I say, I’m addicted.) that verges to the point of insanity. I sit at breakfast/lunch/dinner and work out my points, tick all the pretty boxes… and the only reason I do it now, this way (instead of online), is because the new program has fold out points trackers. Turning a page? No! Not for me! It must fold out! It must be glossy! It must be an aesthetically pleasing magenta-purple colour! It must have boxes to tick for every point I use!

It makes me want to drink so much water I’m peeing like a Russian racehorse each day. What will I do if I haven’t ticked that last box? It makes me want to find lame excuses to drink milk, or want to eat two salads a day to hit those serves. It makes me want to torture myself into a sweaty mess, just so that I can tick the ‘30 minutes’ box for exercise.

Speaking of torture, the C25K happened again this morning. We went onto week 2, and it was like dying. Who would think that 30 extra seconds could be so much harder? I’m plodding along like a sweaty mess, all red and huffing. I’m timekeeping like a fiend and trying to look at the watch and the road at the same time and then BAM! stich. Just like that. Every time. Always in my right side. So I start to walk, and then I have to sit down for 30 seconds. Then we run some more (because apparently I hadn’t learnt) and then I couldn’t do the 90 seconds, I could only do 60, so Mum (who can now be known some kind of torture artist specialising in the cruel and unusual…and possibly manipulation) runs on ahead. When I call time, she goes, “Well if I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it.”

I nod, suck air into my lungs and thank god that I still have 2 minutes before I have to run again. When we get to the next interval, I start jogging with her. I’m going okay. I’m pulling out in front a little (longer legs), my eye is on the clock. 45 seconds, 30 seconds, 20 seconds…and around that point I realise that I’m not so much jogging as I am limping at a fast pace, like someone’s numbed my bloody legs and I don’t know how to use them properly. So I stop and let Mum on ahead. I care about getting fit. I don’t want to turn myself into an idiot while I do it. And what’s 45 seconds between training partners, anyway?

C25K
Day 1, Week 2
Distance: 3km
Time: 26min
Average: 8:40/km

Posted at 11:50 am | No Comments »

Eeeep! Mum had a morning tea at work and I found this recipe that looked delicious so I thought, “Why not?” The plan was that we’d have one and the rest would go off to her work. Only she didn’t take them all, did she? And because I was just having one, I hadn’t bothered to check the points. And they were at eye level and I just had no self control.

Whatever, my fault, but I nearly had a heart attack when I found out they were 8 points a slice. Ouch.

And I was doing so well today, too; down 7 points and completely full. All it means is that I have some working off to do and I need to get my butt into gear. Which I can do, no worries.

But that’s the last time I make something and don’t check the points beforehand.

Posted at 9:11 pm | No Comments »

This week was the first week where I consciously decided not to be accountable. It was the last week of exams, I was cut off from the internet, and the stress just kept piling up so I dismissed the process. I also decided not to go to my weigh-in today, because I want to correct the damage from this week. I will make a concerted effort of going next week, though. I feel mostly like I’m getting back on track, so I guess all is well.

There are only 5 weeks and 5 days until I go overseas, and I am freaking out a little. I have 40 days and the average processing is 25 days for a visa. I haven’t received all the documentation I need, and I am truely trying to chase that up. On the other hand, I’ve finished exams, and when I’m not freaking out about visas, I have remarkable amounts of spare time on my hands. I’m going to the gym more and I’m trying to get at least an hour of non-intentional exercise in by doing things like going bowling or kicking a football around.

Posted at 4:41 pm | No Comments »